Tuesday, November 11, 2008

A Hopeless Dream?

My friends, the last two days have been very sad for me. Over the weekend I decided to investigate further my dream of teaching English abroad(TEFL) in Italy. That dream looks like a bleak one. I had believed the wages would be a good amount but it turns out not to be sufficient. To those who know me, I am usually quite the positive and upbeat thinker but this has beaten me down to a depressed state. I feel lost and crushed. What am I to do? I am hoping that I can think of another way to achieve my dream but for the moment it is not coming to me. I hope the sadness does not last long because I don't like the control it seems to posses. Any ideas?


Sunday, October 26, 2008

Italy: Day One

In case anyone out there is interested in hearing about a personal account of my holiday to Italy, I am sure the next dozen or so posts will fill everyone in. When you hear the term "La Dolce Vita," it is truly an accurate phrase describing my journey....BUT....none of it would have been possible without the kindness and generosity of one man in particular, and I owe him so much; but at this time can only offer my gratitude. Without Andrea I would not have experienced Italy on such a personal, beautiful and insightful note. Mille grazie Andrea!!!

The flight to Venice was quite long and tiresome. While on the plane I had conversation with an older gentleman and his wife. During about half the flight he fell asleep and then proceeded to fall over onto my shoulder..lol...I did not really mind. Although there were meals and movies and people watching to distract oneself, it was too uncomfortable for me. I was REALLY glad to see that we were arriving in Venice. This was the only part of my holiday I did not enjoy although I guess it was an ends to means.

I arrived in Venice on schedule and then proceeded to take the bus to the Mestre train station. I accidently went to the bus ticket window and could not find my way to the train(bigliaterri) ticket window. I dare say I must have called Andrea 10 times before I actually got on the train. I have never ridden a train before and it was quite confusing for me...now, I am like a pro. I was lucky to have Andrea there to help me through my little disaster..lol.

My nerves finally relaxed and I took in all the beauty and mysteriousness of a strange land. I finally arrived at the last stop, in Udine. I got off the train and received a phone call and was told to turn around and...there he was.....a beautiful man waiting for me. We walked towards each other and embraced and then walked to Andrea's flat which is in the centre of the city. As we walked I was not only listening to him but soaking in all the sights and sounds and smells of the vibrant city which would become even more lively in a short few hours. We arrived at his flat on Via Valvason (it is a very nice living space about 80sqm) I was so tired I took a nap. I awoke and we went out for a walk through the center of town because they had a wine and food festival for the weekend and he showed me points of interest. We stopped at a clothing store and he told me he thought my sport jacket was too big for me(the cut of the jacket) so we looked around and found a versatile jacket with a removable liner to be either dressed down or up. My first piece of European clothing...lol., and then after a couple hours we wound up at a tent where he introduced me to two of his friends who are artists (they make fashion wear out of felt wool) and who he met while attending school. Their names are Barbara and Emanuela. Barbara was able to speak in English but Emanuela knew very little, we communicated anyway between Andrea. Everywhere I looked was beauty...the landscape, the buildings, the people, the shop windows...the quality and attitude of life was especially beautiful!

We went back to his flat and he proceeded to cook me dinner of fresh orrechiette pasta with red onions, peas and olive oil. YUM! Something so simple yet so delicious. We sat up and watched a little television and then went to bed. I had a full day in so it was heaven to finally go to sleep and especially with a living dream :-) ANGELO

Friday, October 24, 2008

I Have Recovered...I Think?

As I recall my recent trip to Italy I feel a longing that is so strong it brings up emotions from deep within. It has taken me this long (since my last post) to recover and sort out everything I took in through the eyes, ears, and mouth. I am in the process of putting into writing everything I experienced. Eventually I will post my recollections and hope someone out there has experienced Italy on a similar level. For now I am going to try to figure out how to post a few pictures at once....I am not computer savvy :-)

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

I Am Finally Here!!!!!

I can't believe it!!! I am finally here in Italy and it is not a dream!!! Even though I had to go through a lot to get here, it was ALL worth it. On Thursday evening I realized I lost my passport...I know, I know. I was in a panic come Friday morning but with some quick thinking,calling and a free ticket to Chicago that day I got my passport renewed. The next morning I was off to the airport bright and early by 6:45 a.m. I was in Philadelphia by 8:45 and then had a long time to wait and the same when I arrived in New York. Finally at 7:45 I was headed to Venice. The plane ride was a long one and I am not looking forward to the return trip.

I arrived in Venice at 9:45 and took the bus to the train station in Mestre and from there it took me to Udine to meet Andrea in person for the first time. The first time I set my eyes on Andrea I was excited and felt my heart leap into my throat. He is a beautiful man but now that I have been with him for a few days, he is also beautiful on the inside! I appreciate so much that he opened his home to me and has taken on the role of my Italian professore. I don't know if he realizes just how much I appreciate him.

I have learned a lot of different things since being here in Italy. Different ways of travel, communication, politeness, fashion, attitude, and simply, living. I have taken a few pictures to help explain my feelings and how I see through my eyes, and to remember all of the beauty.

Saturday, September 6, 2008


Last night I sat in front of my television with my soft ginger cookies and a glass of milk (rice) hoping to be excited by Volver with Penelope Cruz. I was not disappointed!!!! I was so captured by the passion of the film that I had eaten almost the whole pack of cookies (12) before I realized it.
Volver is directed by the famous Pedro Almodovar. I love his movies because they are definitely seen through a different set of eyes than the rest of the world. I will also watch anything with Penelope Cruz, such a great actress!! This movie portrays 5 women's lives. Two sisters, a mother, a grandaughter and a neighbor. The complicated lives that they are living are eased with such passion and simplicity because of secrets which are revealed slowly as to keep one on the edge of their seat waiting for the truth to be told. The biggest secret of all is a huge surprise. Very touching and poignant. Definitely worth the watch, especially by yourself with a dozen cookies and a glass of milk! Angelo

Thursday, September 4, 2008

A Revelation

Today I had an unequivocal, heart melting breakthrough. I have truly forgiven my grandmother for extremely hurtful things she had said to me. These are things that caused me to move out of her house 1 year and 7 months ago and not speaking to her since. It has taken me that long to come to an epiphany that my grandmother was only acting out her beliefs and that I shouldn't take it personally anymore. I was lying in the tub thinking about her the other day and realized that I see life the way I do mostly because she shared her 'La Dolce Vita' with me. She is the one responsible for bringing passion, beauty and vitality to my life. The whole reason why I see things the way I do. She is the reason I have my goal and dream of living in Italy. Without her I would just be another empty soul going through the motions of life. Thank you Nana......I love you Nonna....Angelo

The Fountain

I have just recently watched this ultimate fantasy art film created by Darren Aronofsky. What an utterly blissful love story it is, transcending time and even incorporating our beliefs/or not of everlasting life. The subtle nuances of this film are definitely worth watching not twice, but at least three times. The main characters, played by Hugh Jackman and Rachel Weisz are acted out to perfection. Even the soundtrack written by Clint Manzell is an ethereal collection I just had to find so I could listen to it over and over. If you are a hopeless romantic such as myself then you will definitely want to watch this movie!

Monday, September 1, 2008

Gay = Gossip?

My quandry today is....Why do gay men gossip so viciously? Since I work in a gay bar(unfortunately) I am actually speaking of a certain percentage of the gay men that make the bar scene part of their existence. I believe that these men love to listen to and perpetuate gossip. Not only do they perpetuate it but blow it up into such a proportion that the person it is aimed at has no chance of surviving with any shred of dignity in the so called "gay community". These guys, in my opinion, gossip because their lives are so empty. It makes them feel like they belong and have something to talk about. I ask you, if this is the quality of discussion, does one really want to live inside the circle we call the gay community? Not me!!! When this type of animosity exists? I grant you, some guys deserve to pay for the things they have done but let the old adage "what goes around comes around" take care of them. There are times that I am quite disgusted to be a part of the gay culture. This is one of those times.......SAD! Angelo

Monday, August 18, 2008

The Missing Link

This mid-morning is a grey and cloudy, somewhat suffocating kind of day. I am standing inside the laundromat I visit every week, waiting, with a heavy impatience, for my clothes to finish drying. I drift off, thinking the way I do, about my life, pondering it's existence. What is the "one" feeling, need, key to happiness that I yearn for to reach that feeling of utter completeness? Someone to love and someone to love me. Now, this seems like such a simple proclamation but such is not the case!!! If I examine this with a little more scrutiny I must understand what this means to me.

Someone to love.........to me, the person I choose to give my wholeness to, which in essence means, not only my heartfelt emotions but my understanding and acceptance of the person they truly are. I would like to exist for them in the sense of knowing their likes and dislikes, the way they interact with other individuals, and how they view life as it pertains to them. I want to do this but not to the point of compromising myself. I believe a certain amount of compromise truly helps a relationship grow and attain the level of respect you desire from your partner. Of course, the basic issues of respect, trust, monogamy and deep love are the foundations of any relationship. I would also require beauty of the inner self as well. I want to hear Puccini when I look at him.

Now, when speaking of someone who loves me........another story......well, sort of. I am prone to think that one's life is constantly changing, as does one's views and opinions. I can only hope that "the one" will treat me as an equal, no matter how our status compares to one another. I want someone who cares that I have had a rough day and tries to make it better. One who knows what I am thinking and how I think. One who knows what is important to me and respects those things as equally as his own importances. The man who loves me must posses confidence, and the ability to except me as I truly am! I would like to be swept off my feet, but not in a big way, small endeavors count more to me. Each relationship in life evolves differently due to many factors. I can only hope that the next "man of my dreams" is the actual missing link in my life....and now the waiting begins....as I laugh and crack a knowing smile. Angelo

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Achieving My Goals

Yesterday I took another step toward my goals of moving to and working in Italy. I was able to apply for a passport!!! I felt another layer in my armor of constriction lift from my mind. I shall have the first ingredient to my feeling of "La Dolce Vita" in 3-4 weeks. I have been studying the climate, culture, language and passion of my long lost homeland. When someone looks at me, I am perceived to be a true German. I may look like a man of German descent but my heart and soul are that of an Italian. It is like I am destined to live my life in the Italian-style. I know at this point I want it bad enough that I am willing to open doors within myself that have been closed for years. I wish I had a video camera or at least a digital camera to record my steps of transformation and chronicle my goals as they are reached. Maybe I can find some extra money somewhere to purchase one. Until my next outburst>>>>>>Angelo

Monday, August 4, 2008

Movie Wisdom

It is a wonderful thing to watch a movie and actually learn something you can apply to your own life, no matter how small. I was watching "Under the Tuscan Sun" last night. I am sure a lot of you are familiar with this wonderful romantic comedy. Although there are many great stories and lines within the movie, one line really hit home with me. In the picture above, Cortona's crazy blonde Catherine, who Francesca befriended, is telling her "never lose your childhood enthusiasm." How true I feel that is, because when we lose that innocence we tend to become complacent and dried-up. I also feel that particular statement ties in with romance as well. People always seem to say "I don't want to get hurt again" well people, part of the ability to love is to be willing to endure the pain that comes along with it. Io sonno insperabile romantico! Ciao, Angelo

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Time For A Lesson

I am working as a bartender for now. I have problem at work I am going to address tonight. My relief has been late by at least 20-30 minutes, sometimes 45, every Monday night. This has been going on since April. I have talked to him about it and I think the owner has as well but it continues. I feel this is a lack of respect for me. I also open the following day to find he hasn't done this or that when closing so I turn into his maid, picking up after him so I can do my job.

TODAY IT STOPS! I am turning the tables. I will be 1/2 hour late tonight to relieve him and will continue to do so every Wednesday until he gets the picture or I leave, whichever comes first; I actually hope it is the latter. I usually don't use these tactics but I am finally at my wits end with this stellar employee. I will post results if there are any *EG*


Tuesday, July 29, 2008


I think things have changed in the dating world since I last tried. I won't say how long it's been since the last time I was in the dating game but it has been long enough to recognize some obvious differences.

The HUGE difference is the use of the computer incorporated into everyday living to help you find someone who is desirable to date. I still prefer the old fashioned way of meeting a live person and sending a few flirty looks their way and then meeting each other to talk and possibly go out on a dinner date. Now, you hop on the computer, look at profiles, get a little insight and then decide to meet. I don't think that works as well. My experience with it has not been too good. Guys lie about who they are and what they like and some guys even go so far as to post an older picture that is hot but then they turn out to be NOT. Why can't everyone just be honest with themselves and have a little courage to accept themselves because the more you accept yourself, the more likely you will attract someone who will like you despite the flaws you THINK you have.

I have not had a run of good luck with dating this time around. Sometimes I wonder if it is me. Are my expectations too high? Dammit!! I want the best match for me if I am going to find Mr. Right. I think the standards of the general population has been decreased to a fault. No one seems to care about REAL living anymore. It's all about material things, television, celebrities lives, status. I don't care about those things, they bore me. I want someone who cares about good food for a healthy body, true friendship, passion, living their life to the fullest possible. I'm talking about JOI DE VIVRE!!! LA DOLCE VITA!!! Think about it.


Used and Abused=Friendship?

I suppose I will get over the feelings of being used eventually. The same friend who I have been helping in the hospital is causing these feelings of being used by him. We have been so-called friends for over a year now and there has always been more give on my part. I have a car, he doesn't. I seem to pay all my bills....even though I struggle, he is always behind and eats out a lot. He always seems to get financial assistance and I won't apply because I am proud. He works 3 nights/week, I work 5 days and nights. I am usually giving him a ride somewhere, doing an errand for him....oh and I forgot, I am also his counselor because he calls me everyday(at least 4 times) to help decide his life. Did that sound a little bitter? I think it's time for a new friend; for him.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Compassion or No Compassion?

OH MY GOD!!!! TWO POSTS IN ONE DAY!! I know Wilmaryad will be saying "wow, I think I'm FINALLY getting through to Micky", well that's partially true O'Scallas...;-) The other part is that I am angry with a friend of mine and I need other opinions to help me realize if I am wrong to think this way. Here is the plot. I have a friend who is HIV+ and is a diabetic. He has landed in the hospital because of an abscess in his foot caused by a staph infection known as MRSA(methicillin-resistant staphylococcus aureus) which occurs in patients with a low immune system. He is going into surgery on Tuesday and the doctor said the infection might have gotten bad enough that they will have to remove three toes. This is thoroughly depressing him. He can't believe he is going to lose three toes. He acts like it's the end of the world. I told him he is lucky not to have to lose a whole foot.
The reason I point this out is because the man does not take care of his body the way he should. He eats a lot of fast food. He doesn't like to cook even though he gets help from the government with food every month. He drinks heavily and parties all the time which includes different types of drugs. He has a viable vocation but won't use it to his ability because he owes money for his student loans and they will garnish 25% of his wages. Even if that were true, he would still have enough money to live on. So now he is behind on rent and other bills, so he has a social worker coming in today to discuss getting his rent paid and he is bitching about what he has to go through to get government help!! Am I not feeling compassion for this man as a friend? Yes, I feel bad for him because he is sick, I feel bad because he is losing a few body parts but what will it take to make him wake up and realize that there are people out there worse off than he is and yet they are determined everyday to make their life count. I get so angry with him always with the "poor me" attitude because I am one of those people who strive to overcome my limitations, not to mention the fact of the millions of other individuals FAR worse off than I am. I have been there for him and will continue to be there but sometimes I just can't take it so rather than screaming at him I will use my blog as a sounding board. I thank God I have this attitude about life and for the very few true friends I have that keep me going. Please let me know what you think! Angelo

Are You Healthy? Really?

Do you ever wonder about your health? I think about it a lot. I am a 45 year old male and I have a chronic disease but I believe that if I eat healthy, try to exercise and keep a positive attitude that I will live a relatively good life. For example I try not to use the city water supply but I am limited on how I can control that because I live in an apartment and filters on my faucets are too expensive for me. So I am at risk to the pollutants. I try to eat fresh but then I'm not totally convinced the "organic" food I am buying is truly what they say it is. So I am at risk to their chemicals and altered food. I take vitamins but I am told I should be taking whole food supplements instead. So I check them out and of course they are five times the price of regular man-made vitamins. Well I'm screwed there! Then, if that's not enough, I read that our grain supply is loaded with mold!!!!! That is in almost everything we eat! What is one supposed to do to stay even sort of healthy? The only thing I feel one can do is to own a piece of property and grow everything you need to exist. Is that feasible? In my opinion, yes, but only if there were more hours in a day or you lived with several other people that shared in the same goal. What do you think? Angelo

Monday, July 14, 2008

The Gift of Living

Yesterday I spent my day off from slavedom enjoying the peace and tranquility with 2 friends at their little slice of heaven on earth. They live in an old farmhouse out on 4 beautifully maintained acres with the white picket fence, two dogs, some chickens, a pool and best of all, the dreamy aroma of they're many "Mimosa" trees in bloom!!
What could be more relaxing than laying in the pool soaking up the sun and smelling that delicious fragrance. If you have never smelled the blossoms you are surely missing a treat that fills the nostrils with elusive pleasure and makes the mind believe they are in heaven!! This tree also goes by other names: silk tree, silky acacia, and pink siris. It's latin name is Albizia Julibrissin. It's natural habitat occurs from Iran to Japan. It was introduced in the U.S. in 1745 and has since survived in the south-east areas. My earliest recollection of this tree comes from my Italian grandmother who did not give up when she planted it on her windy, northern Ohio farm. She waited for a few years for it to flower because it kept getting killed back by the winters but she finally got to witness the tree in bloom and the love affair began! Once I saw the tree and smelled it, my love affair had also been ignited. So you can imagine my complete surprise and delight upon discovering that my friends have not only one Mimosa but many of these delicious trees. Like I said, heaven!

So, I spent the day and part of the evening with my friends cooking, conversing, reading, walking, eating, and best of all, getting to know them a little better. A VERY good day indeed. This is what I speak of when I mention "quality of life"!


Tuesday, July 1, 2008

A Heartfelt "Thank You"

Yesterday, while publishing my post, I made the error of leaving something out that is very important!!

A simple and heartfelt "thank you" to the best of friends and my brother. He is the one and only person that keeps me headed on the path towards my goal of a lifetime. If it were not for him, I would not be trying to reach it in the first place. He has given me the idea, the courage, the knowledge, and the resolve to take on such an epic move in my life. The world is definitely a BETTER place with him in it! If you would like to find out why I think that....go to HIS blog located at www.cruciblecrucified.blogspot.com. I am certain you will come to appreciate why I feel as I do about him.


Monday, June 30, 2008

Fulfilling A Dream Is Not Easy

Yesterday, I was talking to a friend about moving to a foreign country. We were talking about a place to live and in which city, a job to support myself, average wage, visas, a passport, dual citizenship and selling ALL my belongings. ALL MY BELONGINGS! When making the decision to start life in another country, I seemed to either forget or not realize that I would have to travel VERY light to save money.

Most things are easy to part with for me. It's just stuff!.....but the very personal items are a whole other matter. My music, certain pieces of art(definitely not expensive),certain papers, memories, pictures, and some small objects. These "things" are mostly sentimental so it will take A LOT OF THOUGHT for me to decide what I must leave behind. It makes me sad to think of this but I know I must do it in order to fulfill my dream of living abroad. The dream eases the pain. The adventure and the thought of "going home" to a world I know I belong to brings me joy and therefore overshadows the pain of choosing what to take with me on my glorious journey.

Angelo de Gioia

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Il Sole = Healthy?

I have just come in from laying out in the sun. Is this a healthy practice?

I have always been told that the sun is the best source for vitamin D. Just how much is a good thing? I love to go out for about an hour or two a day. I just lay there, relax, and think about good things, projects I want to achieve and people I know. It's such a good feeling to soak up the rays and feel all that warmth plus the "glow" of healthiness that comes with it.

Medical personnel will tell you the sun causes skin cancer if over-exposed. Maybe so, but it seems to me I have read that skin cancer is on the rise only because one puts the poison known as sun block on their skin; which is a whole other issue I don't want to address right at the moment.

I have always said "moderation is the KEY" and I believe it for anything we do in life!

I hope it's sunny tomorrow!!!!!


Sunday, June 8, 2008

Somebody's Watching Me

I don't know about you but I feel like there is always someone watching me when I either use a credit card, my cell phone, give out a zip code at the Target, and anywhere else we might use our personal data for "security" purposes. I feel as if the government knows EVERYTHING about me, yeah, right down to when I go to the toilet because I told the person I was speaking with online "brb, I have to go pee".

THAT is scary to me!! Why do we let ourselves get caught up in the number system? A lot of us just are too tired to think about it but we ARE being scrutinized on a daily basis. We go to the store to purchase a bracket for a shelf, we stand in line WAITING and just so we speed up the process, blurt out our zip code or phone number to the cashier when she, like a robot, asks for it. Next time you are in line tell them "I would rather not", if they give you some flimsy excuse like "we need it for security reasons" or "it speeds up your return" tell them no anyway. I know I feel better that one less person is doing the "nosy rosy" routine on me!


Sunday, June 1, 2008

The Mighty Hercules

Who remembers this cartoon from the 1960's? I had long forgotten this statuesque hero of my childhood, then only 5 years old. How I loved waking up in the morning to watch this mythological man save the day with his sidekick Newton. I would watch him, mesmerized, fighting the evil villains. I even memorized the title song by singer Johnny Nash as a tribute to my affection for Hercules. Little did I know.........I was falling in love for the first time in my life. Why don't you take a look and see if your heart doesn't skip a beat!Funny how a memory can hold on so vividly even if it has to wait forty years to come back to life! :-)


Monday, May 19, 2008

Prima Voce!!!!!

Cecelia Bartoli is the name I speak of when I thought of the title. I am a fan of a style of music which I believe is becoming a lost art: opera. My favorite roles are those sung by what is called a Mezzo-Soprano, a deeper timbre and very full melodic range that pleases my ear. I have always favored the older artists from the Enrico Caruso period up to the early 1970's, and those were fewer as the years progressed. There is now Cecilia, who's voice moves me to distraction and makes my heart swell with emotion, ESPECIALLY with this piece heard hear!!!...a tribute to Maria Malibran.

The ability to stir emotions in people with her voice is a gift from God! Give it a listen!

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Leona Lewis: Bleeding Love

I realize I can get a little behind on the music that keeps coming out at breakneck speed but this is an utterly out of this world musical piece! I love her voice and her style!!!

Too bad she has disembedded her great videos on YouTube!

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Is Happiness a Relative Term?

Do you wonder if you are happy in your life? To what level do you go to achieve bliss? How do you know when you have reached the peak of peacefulness? I am going to give you two different scenarios; two totally opposite lives with just a few similarities and you must decide which person you think is happiest. I would love to know which individual you choose.

The first individual is about middle-aged, relatively good looks, and a better than average personality. He is an honest and good man, sometimes to the detriment of himself. He can be a day-dreamer and quite philosophical. He tries to treat other individuals the way he would want to be treated and sometimes goes out of his way to do so.

He has had many ups and downs in his life and has met them all with the optimism he tries to keep in his heart. He has worked as a dishwasher for Ponderosa Steakhouse to owning his own businesses. He has been to catered social events for the elite and also partied with country folk in a run-down, well-worn local bar. He enjoys socializing with all walks of life; as long as a spark of intelligence is evident. He takes pride in his home surroundings, which are kept simple, which is the way he tries to live his life; SIMPLY.

There is just one problem with his life, he has a weakened state of health, actually a chronic disease that prevents him from doing a lot of things in his life.

Comparatively we have a woman who is also middle-aged, so pretty she has never needed make-up, and a very bubbly, overflowing personality. Definitely the life of the party. She is a good person and honest. She would do anything for you(within reason) if you ask her. She had never given much thought to life as a young women. It never occurred to her, things were just the way they were. She had her own life to live. She ended up with a good husband who provided very well for her and her beautiful little girl. They lived a very close lifestyle to the "suburban dream". The little girl never wanted for anything. They never had money worries and perfect health.

Two years ago, the day before Thanksgiving this women suffered a brain aneurism. It has taken her a long time to get where she is physically today. Mentally she is quite the same women in her values and judgments.

Which individual would you say has come the closest to achieving true happiness.....and why?


Sunday, April 27, 2008

Ahhh Sweet Mystery Of Life At Last I Found You??

Sometimes I wonder about what I am doing in this great big world....no security net to catch me if I make a mistake or slip on a "banana peel" of life. Why am I here? Why do I get to know people? What is the point of feeding myself with nutritional food and taking care of others? What is the bond that draws one particular being to another and sometimes with an unbearable lightness of being that it just bathes over your whole existence!!!!????

Do you ever sit and wonder to yourself about these thoughts and feelings? Of course you do! Do you want the truth dashed with a forthright answer? or would you like to hear the unadulterated, programmed into our heads version. If you're a free thinker, like I try to be, then you would want the latter...am I right? Okay, so here is the truthful, forthright, freethinking answer you require.


Yeah, it is you........all about you...only YOU!



Sunday, April 20, 2008

The Pleasure of Gardening

This is the time of Mother Nature's calendar I love the best!.....and miss the most, as a gardener. Gardening is proven to reduce one's stress level which of course adds to one's life calendar. Gardening, to me, encapsulates so many ideas, feelings, artistic expressions, and personalities. To me, few things take precedence over the utter intoxicating joy and peace of mind that overtake me as I dig my hands into the soft, dark brown, rich earth or tenderly groom a plant. Even the mere act of providing food and water fills me with an overflowing happiness.

Saying "and[I] miss the most" stems from having my own "Eden" for many years. This magical place was my refuge from all of life's complications. It has been almost 4 years now since I have had the joy of taking my coffee into the garden in the early morning hours while weeding. Listening and conversing with nature while admiring her wondrous beauty! My heart aches thinking of it.

I now reside in the attic of an old home surrounded by sumptuous flowering trees. Though quite beautiful, my gardening is reduced to flower boxes which mainly contain herbs and a few favorite annuals. Although this helps to quench my thirst and remain at one with Nature, I long for my "Eden"once more. It is a love that transpires ALL other loves!

My completeness is gone for but a moment, when I shall once again create my "Eden." Another place, another time, another stolen moment of tranquility!


Thursday, April 10, 2008

Oh L'Amour!

I have been thinking constantly about love, relationships, heartache, and everything that ties into these subjects for two reasons: my two friends who have had recent bouts with anxiety brought on by the subject matter, and my resistance to even think of beginning another possible relationship; even after three years of single living.

Each friend has an opposing view to each other on how to go about committing themselves to a romantic encounter, let alone how they view the physical side of a relationship.

The first friend is very passionate about his feelings, he gets excited about the physical appearance.... i.e. yumminess.....BUT gets even more excited about the mental and romantic capabilities said heartthrob may possess. I can say by pure observation that you would not find a more loyal companion! He needs someone who will occupy his mind, body, and soul because he will most definitely give you these things in return as your reward. I pray for the day love produces a bullseye in the middle of both his heart and his head. He deserves to feel such uncompromising and true love.....and then some!

My second friend is equally passionate about his relationships (there are many).....until he either gets bored or something about the guy angers him that he cuts him off before he realizes what has happened. He is definitely into the physical side of the relationship...he needs the stimulation like the rest of us need air to breathe and believes he is "in love" with evry plausible possibility he meets. He is a nice enough person but also not my idea of a companion. You will never be sure of loyalty or promises with this guy. Unfortunate!

Now for me, I fall in the middle of the two friends. I am the oldest, and have had more experience than the first friend but not nearly the quantity of my second friend. I look for both mental and physical stimulation. I prefer someone who is knowledgeable of the arts, good food, and who is in tune with nature and himself. Loyalty, honesty, and respect are the big three values I hope to find in the guy I fall for.

Thinking of all these things and not settling for less, it would appear I am chasing an elusive dream, maybe, but it is one dream I will follow to find out the long anticipated ending. I hope to one day discover the joy of sharing my life with a "true companion"; feeling the utter completeness and beautiful serenity of it all! WE ALL DESERVE A BIT OF THAT!!!!!


Tuesday, February 12, 2008


A life of SIMPLICITY, I feel, is a very unattainable goal for most Americans to achieve and I fear it has stretched out it's cancerous idea of "the american dream" to other civilizations. The very high-energy, stressful, competitive nature of the "american way" , which we defend as democracy and our God given right, is seeping like a tumor into other cultures and destroying the good that has existed for thousands of years. There is something to be said for technology, yes, but when it takes over the senses and sensibilities of a nation, it is a slow death to the naturalness of humankind.

Living SIMPLY is totally the choice of the individual; but it requires an understanding of the rewards and benefits to truly appreciate the beauty of the concept.

There are a multitude of reasons that this evolution of sorts has taken place. To name just a few....laziness, greed, opportunity, pride, and the attitude I will always shoot down in my blogs;"the pied piper syndrome", following the leader. Living a life of simplicity signifies and requires your individuality! The "american ideal" is actually not ideal at all! To live up to that level you must undergo tremendous stress and pressure in your daily existence, so much so that you run the risk of bringing on illness long before you might have ever experienced it in later life. Does that qualify as a reward? Does constantly being on edge bring about a reward? Always worrying about how much money you earn or things you acquire compared to the "national average"?...ie.....do I have the "right" car, the "right" home, the "right" clothes, and above all, wondering if you made the "right" choices that will "set you up" for your retirement? Is that a reward? All of these riches are bestowed upon you for achieving the "american dream"!
If all this is what it takes to reach that goal, definitely COUNT ME OUT!!!!

A life of SIMPLICITY reaps rewards beyond your imagination!! You will usually outlive your stressed counterparts, and if not, will die a happy, at peace individual. Let me give you just the tiniest glimpse into the world of SIMPLICITY.........

I woke up today(without an alarm clock) and my first thought was, what a beautiful day this will be! The reason I am able to think and feel this way is because I am debt-free, I have beautiful, sumptuous food to eat, I love my work(definitely NOT a 10 hr day), I have valuable friends and loved ones around me, and most of all, very few worries because I am myself and freed from the chains of the so-called "rat race". Bucolic isn't it? You could also relish this existence!

Would you like the education and knowledge to achieve this NOT so lofty goal? It's already in your head. You actually think of it everyday without realizing it's true meaning. It's just waiting for you to release it. You just have to re-train your thinking. As they say, "knowledge is power!" The power to control your destiny. I did not however say it would be an easy task but the rewards are on a much more grand scale than the so-called rewards you reap from the "american dream"!!!!! Think about it!!


Sunday, February 10, 2008


Friend, a noun the dictionary defines as "a person whom one knows, likes, and trusts." I will add another word to their definition.....loves. Such a simple explanation of a word yet so complex in it's usage.

One can be referred to as "an old friend", "best friend", "just a friend", "fairweather friend", or even "friend of a friend." Friend is used to describe a work colleague, an aquaintance, and yes, the bond between two individuals for what ever reason it exists. It can be a very casual relationship or an intoxicating, lively, and passionate adventure. At any rate, a friend is there for you to talk to and do things with when no one else seems to care.

It is quite difficult to fit the idea of friendship into a neatly wrapped package because there are so many twists and turns in the emotions of the definition. To me, above all else, friendship encompasses truth and trust. Without those you can not have a relationship of any sort.

A person experiences the many levels of friendship throughout their life. Like true love, most people will never come into contact with the deep inpenetrable bonds of a "TWIN SOUL". I chuckle to myself knowing where I heard that term used, because my "TWIN SOUL" Wilmaryad proclaimed the rights to it's usage to describe our friendship. I can only say.....DITTO!.......I have never experienced such a bond in all my 45 years!!

My briend~~~I want to take this moment to thank you for your patience, guidance, understanding, thoughtfulness, kindness, your witty sarcasm, thought provoking conversation, glorious insights and MOST of all, your superior, tender heart!


Sunday, February 3, 2008


Here it is Wilmaryad Ben O'Scallas!!!
Without your insistence and gentle prodding I would not have done this for myself. You, my friend are the REAL DEAL!! Shakran! Merci Beaucoup! Grazie! I look forward to my first posting!