Sunday, March 14, 2010

Living With COPD (Kartagener Syndrome)

To look at me, one would never realize that I have this disorder...Kartagener Syndrome. It is an internal process so it is only announced by an external application such as wearing oxygen tubing to provide the level of oxygen your body needs to function properly. Since I do not wish to type out the definition and description of this disorder, I am providing the link to the Wikipedia version which will give you a little insight.

Assuming you visited the link, did you learn anything? :) My main reason for letting my readers know about this personal, and up until now concealable disorder is that I am at the stage where I can not hide my physical ailment any longer. This past Thursday I went for pulmonary function testing and then paid a visit to my pulmonary doctor. The outcome was not a good one and so now I am breathing in mechanically produced oxygen through a tube that goes into my nose.....24/7......I HATE IT!!!!!!

I didn't mind, and even accepted this disorder as just a part of my life. My mother has told me that I have always had a positive outlook, even as a child, which got me through a lot because I was a sickly baby, going through many surgeries and procedures before the age of six. This disorder went undefined until I hit 40, seven years ago. Since then it has steadily gotten worse. It has progressed really only because I have not had the proper medical insurance or none at all and that meant I could ill afford the treatments conducive to keeping this disease at bay. So, here I am with this NOT so pretty accessory attached to my face, like a big north star blemish, and a tank (although be it small) hanging to my side via shoulder strap. How inviting for casual conversation with handsome strangers! Yes, my worst fear is that I will die alone because no one wants to be involved with someone who's mortality may be shortened. Should I even be thinking about this?

Sometimes my positive outlook takes an inward nosedive to bitterness in the land of "why me?" Sometimes I think this is the reason I have a low tolerance for whiny people and people who have everything and yet still complain how awful their lives seem to be compared to the rest of the population. Maybe it's just my attitude.........period. I am not certain of all my thoughts and feelings but I deal with them on a daily basis and decipher them as needed.

I will deal with this newest ordeal and return to the "normal" me shortly.......................I think.......hmmmmmm. :)


Monday, March 8, 2010

Bitchy Judgement Day

A few nights ago while on Facebook, a guy I thought to be a nice person was giving a post by post description of his thoughts. He usually does this for award shows and such and can be quite comical. Last night was different. He was quite bitchy in his approach of describing different actors. What they were wearing, how they looked, the hairstyle...blah, blah, blah. He said that "Penelope Cruz is so unattractive and speaks like a deaf indian not feather...sorry deaf indian ladies." So, tell me, is this not only in bad taste but also laced with a little racial negativity? First of all, I love Penelope Cruz but most importantly, I think he was being bitchy and racist rolled into one. So, I asked him in the public forum "what was wrong with Penelope" and his reply along with more than several of his cronies disgusted me with the negativity and hate! Being the gentleman that I am, I privately messaged him a HOT picture of Penelope and told him how disappointed I was with him. What do you think happened? HE BROUGHT IT BACK TO THE STAGE!! I couldn't believe it when I saw his next post. Basically, he sent out a not so sincere apology directly to me (which riled up his cronies) and stating....I stand by my words and this is America where we can have our own opinions and we have to respect everyone's opinion......NOT COOL! We are lucky to have such a freedom, yes, but so many individuals misunderstand that it is a PRIVILEGE to speak one's opinions and a wise person chooses when and how, if ever, to express those opinions. I myself have learned it is a good thing to lock up the mouth sometimes and listen to others :) I was so angry that I was up hours after I should have gone to bed thinking about all the people I knew like him. Ugh...why do I waste my time!

Help me out here, please! Why does it appear to me that the majority of gay men I have met feel it is their duty to dispense bitchiness in the form of degrading, demeaning, belittling, discrediting, tarnishing, disapproving, and devaluing other human beings and other minorities for the pure enjoyment of the "fun" of it? Has anyone ever told these people that this behavior doesn't match their pretty faces? They need to work on the inside as well. I am not saying that I have never tried the role of bitchy on for size and I can actually protrude quite the serpents tongue when needed. I choose rather to be kind and have found that it benefits everyone :) I know a lot of gay men are insecure with themselves. I wish they would just deal with it and stop being so bitchy. Those good looks they try so hard to preserve on the outside will shrivel up like a sour prune before they know it!