Sunday, April 27, 2008

Ahhh Sweet Mystery Of Life At Last I Found You??

Sometimes I wonder about what I am doing in this great big security net to catch me if I make a mistake or slip on a "banana peel" of life. Why am I here? Why do I get to know people? What is the point of feeding myself with nutritional food and taking care of others? What is the bond that draws one particular being to another and sometimes with an unbearable lightness of being that it just bathes over your whole existence!!!!????

Do you ever sit and wonder to yourself about these thoughts and feelings? Of course you do! Do you want the truth dashed with a forthright answer? or would you like to hear the unadulterated, programmed into our heads version. If you're a free thinker, like I try to be, then you would want the I right? Okay, so here is the truthful, forthright, freethinking answer you require.


Yeah, it is you........all about you...only YOU!



Sunday, April 20, 2008

The Pleasure of Gardening

This is the time of Mother Nature's calendar I love the best!.....and miss the most, as a gardener. Gardening is proven to reduce one's stress level which of course adds to one's life calendar. Gardening, to me, encapsulates so many ideas, feelings, artistic expressions, and personalities. To me, few things take precedence over the utter intoxicating joy and peace of mind that overtake me as I dig my hands into the soft, dark brown, rich earth or tenderly groom a plant. Even the mere act of providing food and water fills me with an overflowing happiness.

Saying "and[I] miss the most" stems from having my own "Eden" for many years. This magical place was my refuge from all of life's complications. It has been almost 4 years now since I have had the joy of taking my coffee into the garden in the early morning hours while weeding. Listening and conversing with nature while admiring her wondrous beauty! My heart aches thinking of it.

I now reside in the attic of an old home surrounded by sumptuous flowering trees. Though quite beautiful, my gardening is reduced to flower boxes which mainly contain herbs and a few favorite annuals. Although this helps to quench my thirst and remain at one with Nature, I long for my "Eden"once more. It is a love that transpires ALL other loves!

My completeness is gone for but a moment, when I shall once again create my "Eden." Another place, another time, another stolen moment of tranquility!


Thursday, April 10, 2008

Oh L'Amour!

I have been thinking constantly about love, relationships, heartache, and everything that ties into these subjects for two reasons: my two friends who have had recent bouts with anxiety brought on by the subject matter, and my resistance to even think of beginning another possible relationship; even after three years of single living.

Each friend has an opposing view to each other on how to go about committing themselves to a romantic encounter, let alone how they view the physical side of a relationship.

The first friend is very passionate about his feelings, he gets excited about the physical appearance.... i.e. yumminess.....BUT gets even more excited about the mental and romantic capabilities said heartthrob may possess. I can say by pure observation that you would not find a more loyal companion! He needs someone who will occupy his mind, body, and soul because he will most definitely give you these things in return as your reward. I pray for the day love produces a bullseye in the middle of both his heart and his head. He deserves to feel such uncompromising and true love.....and then some!

My second friend is equally passionate about his relationships (there are many).....until he either gets bored or something about the guy angers him that he cuts him off before he realizes what has happened. He is definitely into the physical side of the relationship...he needs the stimulation like the rest of us need air to breathe and believes he is "in love" with evry plausible possibility he meets. He is a nice enough person but also not my idea of a companion. You will never be sure of loyalty or promises with this guy. Unfortunate!

Now for me, I fall in the middle of the two friends. I am the oldest, and have had more experience than the first friend but not nearly the quantity of my second friend. I look for both mental and physical stimulation. I prefer someone who is knowledgeable of the arts, good food, and who is in tune with nature and himself. Loyalty, honesty, and respect are the big three values I hope to find in the guy I fall for.

Thinking of all these things and not settling for less, it would appear I am chasing an elusive dream, maybe, but it is one dream I will follow to find out the long anticipated ending. I hope to one day discover the joy of sharing my life with a "true companion"; feeling the utter completeness and beautiful serenity of it all! WE ALL DESERVE A BIT OF THAT!!!!!