Monday, July 21, 2008

Compassion or No Compassion?

OH MY GOD!!!! TWO POSTS IN ONE DAY!! I know Wilmaryad will be saying "wow, I think I'm FINALLY getting through to Micky", well that's partially true O'Scallas...;-) The other part is that I am angry with a friend of mine and I need other opinions to help me realize if I am wrong to think this way. Here is the plot. I have a friend who is HIV+ and is a diabetic. He has landed in the hospital because of an abscess in his foot caused by a staph infection known as MRSA(methicillin-resistant staphylococcus aureus) which occurs in patients with a low immune system. He is going into surgery on Tuesday and the doctor said the infection might have gotten bad enough that they will have to remove three toes. This is thoroughly depressing him. He can't believe he is going to lose three toes. He acts like it's the end of the world. I told him he is lucky not to have to lose a whole foot.
The reason I point this out is because the man does not take care of his body the way he should. He eats a lot of fast food. He doesn't like to cook even though he gets help from the government with food every month. He drinks heavily and parties all the time which includes different types of drugs. He has a viable vocation but won't use it to his ability because he owes money for his student loans and they will garnish 25% of his wages. Even if that were true, he would still have enough money to live on. So now he is behind on rent and other bills, so he has a social worker coming in today to discuss getting his rent paid and he is bitching about what he has to go through to get government help!! Am I not feeling compassion for this man as a friend? Yes, I feel bad for him because he is sick, I feel bad because he is losing a few body parts but what will it take to make him wake up and realize that there are people out there worse off than he is and yet they are determined everyday to make their life count. I get so angry with him always with the "poor me" attitude because I am one of those people who strive to overcome my limitations, not to mention the fact of the millions of other individuals FAR worse off than I am. I have been there for him and will continue to be there but sometimes I just can't take it so rather than screaming at him I will use my blog as a sounding board. I thank God I have this attitude about life and for the very few true friends I have that keep me going. Please let me know what you think! Angelo


Anonymous said...

i dont know if this wud b f ne help to u,but i wud b happy if it does u sum gud
n btw i dont know de mindset of de general public towards HIV+ patients in ur part of de world,so i think it wud b better if i speak generally..

i think ur friend is confused,scared n desperately in need of sum moral support.confused bcos he thinks nobody understands his situation and at the same tym he himself wants to believe tht he is perfectly alryt.i often see people who r of the 'i-am-deeper-in-shit-than-u' attitude.this is not bcos dey prefer to wallow in self pity but as a consolation to themselves n to tell de rest of the world that they r really battling it out with verbally aggravating de situation he is in,he wants u to acknowledge tht he is a fighter n also wants u to tell him tht u will fyt with de first step wud b to tell him tht he is indeed in not-tht-gud a situation n tht u understnd it n tht u promise to stand by him..wot we usually see is a whole lot of frnds n relatives telling de patient tht everythin is gud and tht he is perfectly ok n dat nuthin has changed n de sorts,but infact his whole lyf has been churned inside out.he knws he is ill n he wants others to acknowldege it too.
his lyf has suddenly cum to stand still but de lyfs f people all around him seems to go on smoothly.he wants de world to stop n take notice.he now blames it on de world for de situation he is in and has resigned himself to de fact tht no matter wot de disease is goin to take his lyf.all dis partying n doin drugs is his way f showin de world tht its wrong n even if its ryt he doesnt care.cry with him and curse de world with him,if tht is wot it takes to make him realise tht ppl do understnd his predicament n tht lyf goes on no matter wot n tht wot he is doin ryt now is only goin to ensure a very painful imminent end.
n he is actually scared.lettin go f dos three toes wud mean de end of de world he is desperately tryin claw into,a world wer he is perfectly healthy n whole.n most importantly does he attend sum kind f counselling or gruoup discussion wer similarly infectd people get around n talk abt der lyfs n how dey go about with der daily lyfs.i think that,if possible,wud help him a lot,bcos no matter wot u say or how close u r,he will alwys hav dis argument in his head tht u dun knw cos u arent in de same situation.

Wilmaryad Ben O'Scallas said...

You, Alan, are wise beyond your years. I thank the heavens for sending you my way. :-) Your comments illuminate my blog. Angelo is a great briend (friend + brother) :-)

Angelo aka Micky - Alan opened an account on here just to comment on your blog. Isn't that utterly sweet? :-)

Angelo de Gioia said...


I truly appreciate your insight and thank you for your words of wisdom as well for they have helped me tremendously!! I also appreciate you opening an account on here just to comment on my quandry. That shows me you are a genuine and compassionate person. Since you are a friend of Wilmaryad's you are certainly a friend of mine!:-)

Anonymous said...


m happy to have been of some help to u ...hope ur friend gets well soon... n openin an account was nuthin,friend :)


'wise beyond ur years' is a sweet way f tellin u tht u act lyk an old hag :D