I Am Finally Here!!!!!

I can't believe it!!! I am finally here in Italy and it is not a dream!!! Even though I had to go through a lot to get here, it was ALL worth it. On Thursday evening I realized I lost my passport...I know, I know. I was in a panic come Friday morning but with some quick thinking,calling and a free ticket to Chicago that day I got my passport renewed. The next morning I was off to the airport bright and early by 6:45 a.m. I was in Philadelphia by 8:45 and then had a long time to wait and the same when I arrived in New York. Finally at 7:45 I was headed to Venice. The plane ride was a long one and I am not looking forward to the return trip.

I arrived in Venice at 9:45 and took the bus to the train station in Mestre and from there it took me to Udine to meet Andrea in person for the first time. The first time I set my eyes on Andrea I was excited and felt my heart leap into my throat. He is a beautiful man but now that I have been with him for a few days, he is also beautiful on the inside! I appreciate so much that he opened his home to me and has taken on the role of my Italian professore. I don't know if he realizes just how much I appreciate him.

I have learned a lot of different things since being here in Italy. Different ways of travel, communication, politeness, fashion, attitude, and simply, living. I have taken a few pictures to help explain my feelings and how I see through my eyes, and to remember all of the beauty.

Volver!!!

Last night I sat in front of my television with my soft ginger cookies and a glass of milk (rice) hoping to be excited by Volver with Penelope Cruz. I was not disappointed!!!! I was so captured by the passion of the film that I had eaten almost the whole pack of cookies (12) before I realized it.
Volver is directed by the famous Pedro Almodovar. I love his movies because they are definitely seen through a different set of eyes than the rest of the world. I will also watch anything with Penelope Cruz, such a great actress!! This movie portrays 5 women's lives. Two sisters, a mother, a grandaughter and a neighbor. The complicated lives that they are living are eased with such passion and simplicity because of secrets which are revealed slowly as to keep one on the edge of their seat waiting for the truth to be told. The biggest secret of all is a huge surprise. Very touching and poignant. Definitely worth the watch, especially by yourself with a dozen cookies and a glass of milk! Angelo

A Revelation

Today I had an unequivocal, heart melting breakthrough. I have truly forgiven my grandmother for extremely hurtful things she had said to me. These are things that caused me to move out of her house 1 year and 7 months ago and not speaking to her since. It has taken me that long to come to an epiphany that my grandmother was only acting out her beliefs and that I shouldn't take it personally anymore. I was lying in the tub thinking about her the other day and realized that I see life the way I do mostly because she shared her 'La Dolce Vita' with me. She is the one responsible for bringing passion, beauty and vitality to my life. The whole reason why I see things the way I do. She is the reason I have my goal and dream of living in Italy. Without her I would just be another empty soul going through the motions of life. Thank you Nana......I love you Nonna....Angelo

The Fountain

I have just recently watched this ultimate fantasy art film created by Darren Aronofsky. What an utterly blissful love story it is, transcending time and even incorporating our beliefs/or not of everlasting life. The subtle nuances of this film are definitely worth watching not twice, but at least three times. The main characters, played by Hugh Jackman and Rachel Weisz are acted out to perfection. Even the soundtrack written by Clint Manzell is an ethereal collection I just had to find so I could listen to it over and over. If you are a hopeless romantic such as myself then you will definitely want to watch this movie!

Gay = Gossip?

My quandry today is....Why do gay men gossip so viciously? Since I work in a gay bar(unfortunately) I am actually speaking of a certain percentage of the gay men that make the bar scene part of their existence. I believe that these men love to listen to and perpetuate gossip. Not only do they perpetuate it but blow it up into such a proportion that the person it is aimed at has no chance of surviving with any shred of dignity in the so called "gay community". These guys, in my opinion, gossip because their lives are so empty. It makes them feel like they belong and have something to talk about. I ask you, if this is the quality of discussion, does one really want to live inside the circle we call the gay community? Not me!!! When this type of animosity exists? I grant you, some guys deserve to pay for the things they have done but let the old adage "what goes around comes around" take care of them. There are times that I am quite disgusted to be a part of the gay culture. This is one of those times.......SAD! Angelo

The Missing Link

This mid-morning is a grey and cloudy, somewhat suffocating kind of day. I am standing inside the laundromat I visit every week, waiting, with a heavy impatience, for my clothes to finish drying. I drift off, thinking the way I do, about my life, pondering it's existence. What is the "one" feeling, need, key to happiness that I yearn for to reach that feeling of utter completeness? Someone to love and someone to love me. Now, this seems like such a simple proclamation but such is not the case!!! If I examine this with a little more scrutiny I must understand what this means to me.

Someone to love.........to me, the person I choose to give my wholeness to, which in essence means, not only my heartfelt emotions but my understanding and acceptance of the person they truly are. I would like to exist for them in the sense of knowing their likes and dislikes, the way they interact with other individuals, and how they view life as it pertains to them. I want to do this but not to the point of compromising myself. I believe a certain amount of compromise truly helps a relationship grow and attain the level of respect you desire from your partner. Of course, the basic issues of respect, trust, monogamy and deep love are the foundations of any relationship. I would also require beauty of the inner self as well. I want to hear Puccini when I look at him.

Now, when speaking of someone who loves me........another story......well, sort of. I am prone to think that one's life is constantly changing, as does one's views and opinions. I can only hope that "the one" will treat me as an equal, no matter how our status compares to one another. I want someone who cares that I have had a rough day and tries to make it better. One who knows what I am thinking and how I think. One who knows what is important to me and respects those things as equally as his own importances. The man who loves me must posses confidence, and the ability to except me as I truly am! I would like to be swept off my feet, but not in a big way, small endeavors count more to me. Each relationship in life evolves differently due to many factors. I can only hope that the next "man of my dreams" is the actual missing link in my life....and now the waiting begins....as I laugh and crack a knowing smile. Angelo

Achieving My Goals

Yesterday I took another step toward my goals of moving to and working in Italy. I was able to apply for a passport!!! I felt another layer in my armor of constriction lift from my mind. I shall have the first ingredient to my feeling of "La Dolce Vita" in 3-4 weeks. I have been studying the climate, culture, language and passion of my long lost homeland. When someone looks at me, I am perceived to be a true German. I may look like a man of German descent but my heart and soul are that of an Italian. It is like I am destined to live my life in the Italian-style. I know at this point I want it bad enough that I am willing to open doors within myself that have been closed for years. I wish I had a video camera or at least a digital camera to record my steps of transformation and chronicle my goals as they are reached. Maybe I can find some extra money somewhere to purchase one. Until my next outburst>>>>>>Angelo